There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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