i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
