If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
