i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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