your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
