I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
