capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize