Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who died my cat blue again?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
