That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
