I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
