I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
