She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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