so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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