I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
