new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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