i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
