i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize