Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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