if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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