Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
