so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I need to stop coming to work sober
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
