Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize