Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
