I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
