apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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