pedialite and red bull = repair kit
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize