I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We are two peas in an std pod
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
