hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
