He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
