do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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