bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize