I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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