listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
