i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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