My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
