At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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