is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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