I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
