Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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