I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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