I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
