Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love you. Go after that dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
