my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
