I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
