Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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