She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
