bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
