paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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