so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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