I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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