Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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