y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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