Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
