it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
