Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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