This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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