Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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