next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize