; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
