Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
