I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
