we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize