Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
