And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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