U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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