i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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