You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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