What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
