College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
