Soap is not a condiment
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
