Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
