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oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
