i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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