but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
