Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
