U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
