i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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