First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize