I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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