it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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