When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
