what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
