: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Alive.
So much puke
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
