he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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