I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
