It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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