don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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