Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
