Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
