I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
