She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
