I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
