moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
