So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize