omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
