I wish I only lived at night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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