no, he came in my armpit
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
