I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
