Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
false alarm. still invincible.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
