Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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