so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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