just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
