it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
